When You Can’t Fake Sadness: Observing the Death of a Communal Narcissist

Recently, someone I knew professionally passed away. For the sake of his loved ones, I’ll call him Todd.

I found out that Todd passed through a Facebook post. Despite already knowing what I would find, I still read through the comments on the post.  I wondered if anyone would tell the truth about this man, or would it be a parade of polite fiction? Of course it was the latter. Comment after comment praised Todd as a charismatic leader, a champion for the marginalized, a mentor, a hero.

I recognized the man they were describing. I mean, even as I looked at the picture in the Facebook post, I couldn’t deny that Todd had an unusual charisma that somehow emanated hrough the pixels. This was a short man with a thinning hairline and a tummy pooch that still managed to make female clients swoon like they were in the presence of a soap opera star. That magnetic quality was real. But I also knew a different Todd. Primarily, as a man who carefully cultivated the image of a saint while quietly hollowing out the people around him.

I had the impulse to comment, “I remember him quite differently” on the Facebook post. Thank heavens I didn’t, but I don’t judge myself for the thought. It wasn’t bitterness on my part so much as it was a longing for clarity. A need to say, “You’re not crazy,” to anyone else who might be quietly scrolling through those same comments wondering if they imagined it all.

There’s a rule when someone dies: only the good gets airtime. But for those of us who saw behind the mask, this selective remembering feels like gaslighting. It erases our experiences. 

I won’t get into the details of how Todd harmed me or others, mostly because it wouldn’t be helpful for anyone reading this post. What I will tell you is what a communal narcissist is, how to recognize them, and how to manage the cognitive dissonance that happens after they pass away.

A communal narcissist is someone who builds their identity around being seen as good. Their self-worth is propped up by constant validation for how selfless or helpful they appear. They often position themselves as helpers, advocates, or moral authorities. Think the PTA mom, the choir director, the non-profit manager. They often take on roles that make them look generous, trustworthy, and deeply committed to others.

If you have the misfortune of living or working with a communal narcissist, you quickly learn they have one face in public and another in private. Think the PTA mom who screams at her son for getting a D on a spelling test, or the police officer who frequently drives while intoxicated. Their public persona is crafted with care, but behind closed doors, the rules shift. They may belittle, manipulate, or violate boundaries with little regard for how it affects others. In their mind, they’ve earned a pass. They’re the good guy. They’ve done so much for the community and no one is perfect. 

Five Telltale Signs of a Communal Narcissist (That Often Get Mistaken for Charisma)

1. They constantly talk about how much they’ve sacrificed for everyone else's benefit.

   Whether it’s their time, money, or emotional labor, communal narcissists keep a running tally of their good deeds and they will make sure you know it. They are the master of the humble brag. “Ugh, I have to go to this stupid awards dinner tonight. It’s full of blowhards, but I’m glad our organization is getting recognized.” The funny thing is, they are often the masters of looking busy while slacking off.  Narcissistic parents might over-burden their children with chores in order to maintain a “perfect home." A narcissistic boss often ignores the boring but necessary managerial tasks in order to spend hours at the water cooler charming others with his wit and wisdom.
   

2. They take leadership roles but have poor boundaries.
   They gravitate toward visible positions in leadership but act like children. The public persona seems warm, relatable, and even disarmingly honest. But behind closed doors they often make off-color jokes, overshare personal stories, or talk openly about drinking or sex in professional settings. It can seem like they’re just “keeping it real” or trying to lighten the mood, but over time, these blurred boundaries can become uncomfortable or even coercive. What starts as charm often becomes a shield against accountability.
   

3. They expect immunity from criticism.
   Because they “give so much,” they often believe they shouldn't be questioned. If you do push back, they may act wounded, accuse you of being ungrateful, or frame your concerns as an attack on the greater good.
   

4. They weaponize morality.
   Communal narcissists often use the language of ethics, justice, or compassion to elevate themselves and put others down. They may shame people for not caring enough or for disagreeing with how they do things, even when those disagreements are reasonable.
   

5. They lead dysfunctional systems.
   While they are praised for being great leaders, communal narcissists often create or sustain toxic environments. Staff turnover is high, communication is poor, and those closest to them may feel constantly on edge. If you look past the praise and into the actual structure they’ve built (whether that’s a community mental health agency or a family), you’ll often find confusion, burnout, and a culture of silence.
   

The damage a communal narcissist leaves behind can be deep and lasting. It’s hard enough to take insults from the schoolyard bully, but from a saint it’s even more devastating.

As you’re reminded of all the amazing things they’ve done, you may even start to believe that the problem really is you. After all, how could someone so admired, so “good,” be treating you like this unless you somehow deserved it?

Over time, this erodes your sense of self. You stop trusting your instincts. You second-guess your emotions. You shrink yourself just to keep the peace. And long after the relationship, job, or connection ends, the scars remain—especially if no one else ever names what happened.

How to Cope When a Communal Narcissist Dies

1. Validate how you feel.
   Conflicted grief is still grief. You don’t have to feel sad just because someone died. You might feel confusion, numbness, anger, or even relief. Remember that we aren’t responsible for how we feel, but for what we do.
   

2. Acknowledge that other people may have had a different experience.
   It’s tempting to call others naïve or fake for not seeing what you saw. But the truth is, communal narcissists are experts at managing impressions. Not everyone got the fangs you did. That doesn’t mean you imagined it. It just means they wore a different mask with different people. Importantly, it’s not your job to convince other people that they’re wrong and you’re right. Emotionally mature adults allow others to have feelings, opinions and experience that differ from their own. Hint: Stay out of the comments section.
   

3. Process your feelings with someone who gets it.
   You might not be able to say what you really think on social media  or a family gathering, but you still need space to process your experience.  Talk to a friend who understands, work with a therapist who specializes in grief or trauma, or write it down in a journal.
   

4. Allow yourself to remember the charming parts too.
   It’s okay if you miss their laugh, their advice, or the way they made you feel seen when things were good. Remembering those things isn’t a betrayal of yourself, it’s embracing the complexity of being a human being. Remembering everything also boosts your awareness of these patterns and you may be better prepared the next time you meet the communal narcissist.

If You’ve Ever Felt Too Smart for Therapy, Read This

Maybe you’ve been there before. You walk into the therapy room and notice the clunky handmade jewelry, the faint smell of essential oils, and the coffee mug that says “You Are Enough.”
You try not to judge. You don’t want to be rude, and you're here to work on yourself, but part of you already knows this isn’t going to go well. It’s not the aesthetics, it’s the vibe.
You make a dark joke and they seem concerned. You ask a real question and they spout clichés.
You can tell within five minutes that your therapist is sweet, well-meaning, and completely unequipped to handle the full complexity of your mind. Your dark humor. Your Star Trek references. The way you use five metaphors to explain one feeling, not because you’re evasive, but because that’s how your brain actually works.

Now, let’s be clear, a therapist doesn’t have to be an academic or intellectual powerhouse to be effective. They don’t have to quote Kierkegaard or diagram your inner conflict like a nuclear reactor. They can even prefer DC Comics to Marvel as long as they’re able to track your meaning, hold nuance, and stay grounded when things get weird or layered or dark.

Some of the most transformative therapists didn’t come from fancy schools and don’t fit the traditional mold of a “brainy” expert, but they know how to track you. They can see when you're deflecting with a joke, intellectualizing instead of feeling, or performing insight instead of living it. And more importantly, they’re confident enough to call you on your crap without flinching.

The trouble starts when the therapist can’t keep up with your defenses, or worse, doesn’t even notice them. If they’re too unsure of themselves to challenge you, or too dazzled by your vocabulary to dig deeper, you’ll end up doing laps around them and get exhausted in the process. Therapy becomes performative, not transformative. Or worse, you hoodwink them into thinking you’re the hero of every story, because they never thought to ask what part of the story you might be leaving out.

Have you ever seen your therapist’s eyes glaze over when you try to explain the complexity of your work, the emotional weight of a high-stakes project, or the mental load of making decisions that affect other people’s lives? That moment tells you everything. It’s not just that they don’t get it. It’s that they can’t follow the complexity, and so they retreat to vague reflections or empty affirmations.

You leave sessions feeling like you’ve talked a lot but said nothing real. You’ve named every emotion except the one that actually hurts. You’ve explained your childhood with clinical precision, and somehow you’re still stuck in the same fight with your partner about the dishes.

That’s not your fault.

When you're used to being the smartest person in the room, it's easy to slip into the role of having to argue all sides instead of voicing your side. You know how to sound reflective. You know how to self-analyze. A good therapist doesn’t try to outsmart you. They know how to interrupt the monologue and get you back into the issue. They know how to say, “Can we slow that down?” or “That’s beautifully said, but what are you actually feeling right now?” They don’t need to win a debate with you. They just need to notice when you’re hiding.

And they need to notice patterns. Not just the obvious ones, like self-sabotage or perfectionism, but the subtler ones. The way you circle around vulnerability. The way you soften your anger with humor. The way you talk about hope like it’s embarrassing.

It’s not just about intelligence. It’s about imagination and humility.
Smart clients often carry entire worlds inside them: nuanced thoughts, unfinished theories, complicated grief, internal debates that never quite resolve. A good therapist doesn’t need to understand everything. But they do need the curiosity and the humility to follow you into that complexity without trying to shrink it to something more manageable.

A good therapist doesn’t need to be the smartest person in the room. In fact, they’re often comfortable acknowledging when a client knows more than they do in certain areas. They aren’t threatened by intelligence. They’re willing to ask questions, to say, “Explain that to me like I’m new to your world,” without ego or defensiveness. They don’t need to outthink their clients. They just need to care enough to genuinely want to understand them.

If your therapist can’t follow the thread, can’t ask a better question, can’t wonder with you, they’ll miss the most important parts. And you’ll end up feeling like you’re talking to yourself.

Smart clients don’t need therapists who impress them. They need therapists who see them. Therapists who aren’t afraid of complexity, contradiction, or control. Therapists who can sit across from them and say, calmly and clearly, “I know you know a lot. I want you to be able to feel what you already know.”

Because if you’re used to being praised for your insight, it can be disorienting to realize insight alone doesn’t heal.
Real change—the kind that shifts how you show up in your relationships, how you talk to yourself when you screw up, how you grieve, forgive, and grow—doesn’t come from narrating your story.
It comes from inhabiting it, moment by moment, with someone who can walk beside you without getting lost.

So if therapy hasn’t worked for you, maybe it’s not because you’re too smart for it.
And maybe it’s not because all your therapists have been “too dumb.”
Maybe it’s because you haven’t yet worked with someone sturdy enough to hold your insight, your defenses, and your full emotional range at the same time.

If you're looking for a therapist who can do that, don't just look at credentials. Pay attention to how they handle complexity. Do they follow your train of thought, or try to redirect it toward something simpler? Do they ask curious, specific questions, or just reflect things back vaguely and hope it sticks?

You might want to bring something layered or difficult into the consultation and see how they respond. Not to test them, but to get a sense of how they hold nuance. If you mention burnout, do they ask if you’ve tried meditating, or do they ask what burnout looks like for you? If you describe a conflict at work, do they want to solve it or understand it?

Notice whether they have the humility to say, “I don’t know that world. Can you tell me more?” without sounding checked out or threatened. That’s often a better sign than someone who tries to mirror your language without really grasping the meaning.

And finally, trust your boredom. If you find yourself editing your thoughts, dumbing down your examples, or feeling like you're giving a TED Talk instead of being in a room with a real person, pay attention to that. It probably means you're not being met.

A good therapist won’t just validate you.
They’ll be curious enough to follow you, perceptive enough to notice your patterns, and grounded enough to challenge you without flinching.

Why the White Lotus’s Rick and Chelsea aren’t a Love Story: The Tragedy of Codependency

I was disappointed to learn that Walton Goggins referred to the story of Rick and Chelsea on White Lotus as a “love story.”
I mean, nothing says love story more than a middle-aged man unleashing snakes and bullets on his young girlfriend. How romantic.

When Chelsea tells Rick, “What happens to you happens to me,” she isn’t speaking about love or fate. She’s speaking about codependency.

Many people misunderstand the term codependent. It doesn’t mean two people who are overly attached or spend too much time together. The term “codependent” originated in the substance abuse recovery world and referred to the partners of those struggling with addiction. These were people who, in trying to manage or control their partner’s addiction, began to lose themselves in the process. Over time, the meaning has expanded to describe any relationship where one or both partners rely on the other not only for support, but for identity, self-worth, and emotional regulation.

How do we know that Chelsea is codependent? Like many codependents, Chelsea is fixated on the idea that Rick is a hurt little boy that fate has tasked her with fixing. Her sense of purpose becomes entirely wrapped up in managing his chaos, soothing his moods, and sacrificing her own needs in the process.

Rick uses his personal tragedy to justify his bad attitude, poor behavior, and even his obsessive fixation on murdering an elderly man he’s never met. But Chelsea’s backstory remains a mystery. Her motivations, wounds, and dreams are erased in service of Rick’s narrative. Chelsea’s pain is almost certainly there, but Rick never seeks to understand it or to understand her.

And Rick certainly adds to that pain. Like a Gen-Z picture of Dorian Gray, it’s Chelsea who bears the physical and emotional consequences of Rick’s sins. When Rick gets high and decides to let a bunch of venomous snakes loose because he sees himself in their creepy little snake eyes, it’s Chelsea who gets bitten. Rick walks away unscathed, while Chelsea is rushed to the hospital. This should be the moment that sobers him up, (both literally and metaphorically) but it does nothing to change his trajectory.

Instead, Rick leaves the White Lotus to go to Bangkok where he plans to murder the owner of the very hotel he left Chelsea at. He never seems to worry about how Chelsea could be caught up in his scheme or potentially charged with being an accessory to murder. Chelsea, on the other hand, worries about nothing except Rick and his pain. She worries about the choices Rick will make and stays emotionally tethered to his unraveling. Her energy is spent trying to psychically manage a crisis she has no ability to control. Rick can’t even pick up the phone when Chelsea calls. The emotional labor is entirely one-sided. Chelsea invests everything, and Rick offers nothing in return.

When Rick does return to the White Lotus, he leads Chelsea believe that her fantasy has finally come true and that Rick has finally chosen her over destruction. That’s a fantasy that many women and men have. That one day, their partner will spontaneously give up drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex addiction, etc. because they saw how much it hurt those around them.

But Rick is always going to choose chaos. When Rick unleashes hell via gunfire, Chelsea insists on thrusting herself into the middle of it. While Rick is armed and clearly black-ops trained, he doesn't do much to protect Chelsea and leaves her exposed in the line of fire. Chelsea takes a bullet to the heart and dies in Rick’s arms.

For some, Rick’s emotional reaction to Chelsea’s death is proof of his love. He’s crying, so he must have really loved her. But, like all narcissists, Rick doesn’t appreciate Chelsea until she’s gone. And even then, he only really feels sorry for himself.

Don’t aspire to be Chelsea. Fate hasn’t destined you to fix lost little boys in grown man bodies.

Your soulmate will never be a man who hurts you, and dying of a broken heart is not romantic.

Harnessing DBT Skills to Handle Narcissistic Individuals

Dealing with narcissistic individuals can be one of the most challenging interpersonal dynamics. However, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills can provide valuable tools to navigate these difficult relationships. Among the most crucial of these skills is Radical Acceptance.

Radical Acceptance: Embrace Reality on Reality’s Terms

Radical acceptance means accepting reality on reality’s terms. In the context of narcissistic relationships, this involves acknowledging that the narcissist's behavior is complex and unlikely to change—no matter how much we might wish otherwise. While this realization can be heartbreaking, it relieves you of the impossible burden of trying to change someone who is fundamentally resistant to change.

Accepting the unchangeable nature of narcissism frees you from the constant struggle of convincing the narcissist that they are wrong or that you are worthy of respect. Instead, focus on treating yourself with the respect you deserve, which often involves setting firm boundaries. Remember, boundaries are about how you respond to behavior, not about controlling someone else’s actions.

For instance, if you say, “I don’t discuss my personal life at work,” you set a clear boundary. This doesn’t mean your inappropriate boss won’t ask about your personal life; it means you won’t engage in that conversation despite his inquiries.

Before your next interaction with a narcissist, ask yourself, “What must I accept will not change in this situation, and what am I responsible for changing?” Understanding this distinction is key to protecting your mental health.

Maintain Your Wellbeing with DBT PLEASE Skills

Managing your well-being is essential when dealing with narcissists. The DBT PLEASE skills help maintain your physical and emotional balance. One simple yet powerful tip is to bring snacks when spending time with a narcissist.

Narcissists may not recognize or care about your basic needs, like hunger or thirst. Being well-fed and hydrated keeps you composed and less susceptible to manipulation. Packing snacks and water for meetings or visits with narcissists ensures you stay energized and focused. It’s not just practical—it’s strategic. It prevents them from using your discomfort as leverage.

For longer interactions or overnight stays, consider packing a cooler. Staying nourished is key to maintaining your mental clarity and emotional strength. Plus, it gives you the option to skip a group dinner if you've had enough social interaction for the day. Remember that you never need to apologize for or explain bringing your own food to an event or visit. Those who get offended are not reasonable or empathetic people.

Stay Mindful to Manage Emotional Provocations

Mindfulness is another crucial DBT skill that can help you stay present and aware during interactions with narcissists. Mindfulness  helps you resist the narcissist’s baiting and manipulative tactics. Staying mindful means maintaining awareness of the present moment and focusing on reality, not the emotional chaos that is swirling inside of you.

Entering conversations with clear objectives and sticking to your goals prevents diversions and narcissistic derailments. (That’s when the narcissist makes the conversation about what a jerk you are for that thing you did 5 years ago instead of the thing they.literally.just.did.) Mindfulness helps you detect when a narcissist uses flattery or criticism to manipulate you. Stay centered and pause before reacting. If you notice anger or other unpleasant emotions rising up inside you, take a break. This can be as simple as heading to the bathroom, getting a glass of water, or responding to a text. The time away will help you refocus on your goals for the interaction.

Consistent practice of mindfulness outside of stressful interactions builds your skills, making it easier to apply under pressure. After a conversation, reflect on what went well and how you can improve at maintaining your boundaries next time. Look for patterns, as this allows you to be a step ahead in the next interaction.

Engage in Pleasant Events to Boost Positive Emotions

Dealing with narcissistic individuals can drain your energy and joy. Actively seeking out pleasant events can boost your positive emotions. The DBT Pleasant Events List encourages you to engage in activities that uplift your mood and create balance in your life amidst painful and challenging times.

• Spend time in outside. Walk in the park, garden, or simply sit under a tree. Reconnecting with nature can cure what ails you.

• Indulge in creative activities like painting, writing, or playing music. Creative expression helps process emotions and regain peace.

• Exercise regularly. Physical activities like yoga, dancing, or sports can elevate your endorphins and improve your overall mood.

• Meet friends or loved ones who understand and support you. Positive social interactions remind you of the good in your world.

• End your day with reflection. Write down three things you enjoyed or felt grateful for to focus on the positive aspects of your life. This isn’t toxic positivity—it’s about acknowledging that good things can exist amidst challenging times.

Approach with an Easy-Going Manner

Handling interactions with narcissists in high-conflict situations can test anyone’s patience. DBT’s Easy-Going Manner skill can help you stay composed. Narcissists feed on the energy from conflict. Keeping your cool prevents their manipulative and gaslighting tactics from taking root.

An easy-going manner involves approaching interactions with calmness and a light touch, which helps defuse potential conflicts. Being easy-going doesn’t mean being a pushover. It’s about maintaining a calm demeanor while firmly standing your ground.

Set boundaries in a friendly, light-hearted way. This approach makes it harder for a narcissist to react negatively or escalate the situation. For instance, a cheerful, “I’d love to say yes, but it’s a no from me this time!” keeps things light yet clear.

Infuse appropriate humor into your responses. A well-timed joke can lighten the mood and often disarm a narcissist’s aggressive tactics. Rehearse calm responses and humorous comebacks in advance. Being prepared helps you remain cool and collected in real-time interactions.

Conclusion

Navigating relationships with narcissistic individuals is undeniably challenging. However, employing DBT skills like radical acceptance, maintaining your wellbeing, staying mindful, engaging in pleasant events, and approaching with an easy-going manner can significantly enhance your ability to handle these interactions effectively. By focusing on self-care and strategic responses, you can protect your mental health and maintain your peace amidst the chaos.

PLEASE Skills

Navigating Trauma and Emotions with Physical Self-Care: The Power of PLEASE Skills

Emotions can be wild and unpredictable, making us cry during dog food commercials or curse when handed the wrong coffee. Managing these emotions starts with taking care of our physical health. However, trauma can significantly impact our ability to maintain good physical self-care for various reasons.

Some of us grew up experiencing neglect, leaving us without the framework to maintain self-care. Others were taught that we didn't deserve to care for ourselves, viewing good sleep or proper meals as selfish. Severe physical trauma may have led us to disconnect from our bodies, making it difficult to recognize hunger cues or feel safe enough to sleep. All these factors can complicate physical self-care.

Enter the PLEASE skills, developed by psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan. This acronym helps us remember the essentials for maintaining emotional stability:

Treat Physical iLlness (PL)

When your body feels like a broken-down Tesla, it’s hard to keep your emotions in check. If you're sick or feeling achy, see a doctor and follow medical advice. Ignoring your health is like ignoring a car's check engine light; eventually, you'll break down, and it might be at the worst possible moment.

Balanced Eating (E)

Nutrition plays a crucial role in our physical and emotional well-being. Eating a balanced diet isn’t about nibbling on gluten-free celery sticks and air; it’s about regular meals to maintain stable blood sugar levels, preventing mood swings and irritability. Eat a variety of foods that provide essential nutrients and avoid skipping meals. Notice how different foods affect your mood and energy levels. (It might not be a coincidence that you feel sluggish after double-fisting cake and pizza at a coworker's party.)

Avoid Mood-Altering Substances (A)

Sometimes a glass of wine or an extra cup of coffee feels like the solution to all of life’s problems. But remember, you're not funnier when drunk—just louder. Substances provide temporary relief but often lead to greater emotional instability in the long run. Minimizing or avoiding mood-altering substances helps maintain emotional balance and improves mental health.

Balance Sleep (S)

Sleep is fundamental to emotional regulation. Poor sleep increases stress, irritability, and emotional vulnerability. Staying up too late binge-watching your favorite show can turn you into a grumpy troll the next day. Aim for a consistent sleep schedule with sufficient rest each night. Develop a relaxing bedtime routine, create a comfortable sleep environment, and avoid activities that interfere with sleep, like using electronic devices before bed. Quality sleep is essential for a stable emotional state.

Get Physical Exercise (E)

Exercise releases endorphins (natural mood lifters) and reduces stress, anxiety, and depression. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days. Choose activities you enjoy, whether it's walking, dancing, yoga, or team sports. Physical exercise benefits your body and greatly enhances your emotional well-being.

To Recap:

By incorporating PLEASE skills into your daily routine, you create a solid foundation for emotional regulation. Taking care of your physical health is the first step in managing your emotions effectively. Small changes can lead to significant improvements in how you feel and handle life’s challenges. Stay cool, stay calm, and take care of yourself!

Professional Help:

The material in this post is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not a replacement for medical or mental health treatment. For optimal physical health, establish a relationship with a primary care physician (PCP) and attend regular check-ups.

Head or Heart? Finding Balance After Trauma

As trauma survivors, our emotions often feel chaotic and overwhelming. Anger, fear, sadness, and even happiness can leave us feeling as though we've been turned upside down. In response, we frequently feel the need to choose between reason and emotion—head or heart.

Choosing Reason: Control and Order

Those who choose reason may adopt a strategy of control through order, busyness, and avoidance. By keeping ourselves constantly occupied or adhering strictly to routines, we attempt to ward off emotions that threaten to swallow us whole. Over time, ignoring emotions—whether they be our own or those of others—leads to a sense of numbness or disconnection from ourselves and those around us. This leaves us feeling isolated and unfulfilled despite our outward appearance of stability or success. Worse yet, we often live in a constant state of anxiety, fearing that one day our control will slip and everything will fall apart.

Choosing Emotion: The Volatile Ride

On the other hand, some trauma survivors feel powerless in the face of their emotions. They may find themselves caught in cycles of intense highs and lows, where emotional responses seem to dictate their thoughts and actions. This volatility makes it difficult to maintain relationships, habits, and goals, as their emotions send them in different directions each day.

Finding the Middle Ground: Healing and Balance

Neither extreme—whether it's strict control through order and avoidance, or the tumultuous ride of emotional highs and lows—truly satisfies our deeper needs as human beings. Healing involves finding a middle ground where we can acknowledge, accept, and consider our emotions (and those of the ones we love) without being overwhelmed or controlled by them.

Embracing Both Head and Heart

To find this balance, we need to develop emotional resilience. This means learning to face our emotions with curiosity and compassion rather than fear and avoidance. Mindfulness practices, therapy, and support groups can be incredibly beneficial in this process. They help us create a space where we can observe our emotions without being swept away by them, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Building Emotional Awareness

Emotional awareness is the first step toward balance. By naming and understanding our emotions, we can begin to see patterns in how they influence our thoughts and behaviors. Journaling, meditation, and talking with trusted friends or therapists can help us gain insight into our emotional landscape.

Setting Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is also crucial. This includes not only physical and time boundaries but also emotional boundaries. Learning to say no, to prioritize self-care, and to protect our emotional well-being allows us to engage with our emotions without being consumed by them.

Validation

Recognizing and validating our emotions is essential. By acknowledging that our feelings are real and important, we give ourselves permission to experience and process them. This validation helps reduce the internal conflict between head and heart, fostering a sense of inner harmony.

Creating a Supportive Environment

Surrounding ourselves with supportive people who understand our journey is vital. Whether it's friends, family, or a support group, having a network that offers empathy and encouragement can make a significant difference in our healing process.

Conclusion: A Journey of Healing

Finding balance between head and heart is an ongoing journey. It requires patience, practice, and self-compassion. By embracing both our rational mind and our emotional self, we can navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and fulfillment. As trauma survivors, we deserve to live lives that are not just about survival but about thriving, where we can experience the full spectrum of our emotions without fear.

Remember, healing is not about choosing head over heart or vice versa; it's about integrating both to create a harmonious and fulfilling life.